One point came out that was very striking: advertisers want you to really believe that buying products that are discounted will save you money.

The reality: you save money when you do not buy something.

Let me say it again: when you choose not to buy something, that is when you save money.

So, when a commercial tells you differently, think about what it is really saying. If you were intending to buy a product already, and now it is on sale, then you might save money in that instance. But if it is something you were not considering before, then you are not saving money by buying it just because it is on sale.

A corollary: Special diet food. You don’t lose weight by eating food (even special low fat food). You lose weight by not eating food.

Let the myth busting commence!

• communicate to build relationships, and
• know your own expectations, and know the expectations of others.

Conflict will inevitably result if we fail to continue to work on these.

The alternative to doing this hard work is to pull back from relationships. I think that is what a lot of North American society has done. We live in our own houses, make our own decisions without consulting others, and can break off relationships when ever we want – divorce, friends, club membership, churches.

And yet, I hear that people wish they had more friends or that they were closer with the friends and acquaintances they do have.

We need to learn how to communicate through and in conflict, and to be able to talk about our expectations.

To do this, I think we need the values encouraged in the Bible:

• commitment to something beyond ourselves – God and his plan for history, awareness that happens through relationships,
• understanding that we mess up and make mistakes, and we need help to change – concepts of sin and salvation, and
• believe that relationships can be restored – forgiveness received by God can be then extended to others.

The reward? Conflict won’t fester into feuds. Unconditional commitment means others will support me when life gets tough. Being known and accepted by others for who we are. Ability to work with others towards a better future.

I think that’s worth the hard work.

Well meaning people may say: “God’s in control. It’ll all work out.” or “Don’t worry, God will provide.”

Those promises are true, but the optimism of Western culture has imbued a meaning to them which may not be what was intended. Which therefore, when reality is found to work out differently, can lead to a real crisis of faith.

Christians have suffered starvation during famines in Africa. God did not provide food for them. Genocide in Kosovo meant that it didn’t all work out for many Christians there.

Why then do we in North America optimistically tell each other it’s going to be okay?

Many people are finding out it’s not okay and it may never be okay. So what might the promises truly mean? What is really solid at the centre?

Not having a good job or even any job, or enough food or a roof over our heads. Not having health and care when we are ill. Not having things get better instead of getting worse.

Maybe good happen to some, but that doesn’t mean they happen because God kept his promise specifically to them.

What we can count on: God’s love and that he will never abandon us. Evidences of beauty and life in even darkness and pain. His presence will give us strength. Everything will be made right, but only fully on the other side of eternity. God is still in control of the big picture.

Everything that we find good beyond these are truly blessings – to be cherished and enjoyed and celebrated. But let us be careful not to add to the promises of God more than what is really there.

…

Am I way off? Speaking out of my own pain that which I know not? Help me to understand. Tell me your story.

Maybe it’s thrilling because it’s something outside of ourselves, something bigger than just me. Think about what it is like for a refugee who has fled horror to come to the safety of Canada, and is now making their citizenship vow. Or maybe it’s like a doctor, after so many years of schooling, to take the Hippocratic oath.

When we do this sincerely and commit ourselves to keeping that vow, even when our emotions make us reconsider, and we keep at it until all other avenues are explored, that is an amazing, wonderful thing!

At the beginning of the Christian story, God makes a promise, a vow, that he’ll fix things, even though it was us that started making the mess. In the end it cost him the death of his son. Jesus wanted there to be another way, a way out, but in the end he kept his end of the bargain.

I think the keeping of promises / vows / commitments are such opportunities for hope.

Sanctuary is a church in downtown Toronto that believes that the rich and poor actually need each other.

The stereotypical ‘homeless’ person in North America has some sort of addiction – alcohol or drugs or maybe both. Often this is because of the pain they have experienced in their lives from which they are trying to hide. Perhaps abuse as a child or some other major trauma in their life.

The stereotypical ‘rich’ person in North America goes to work every day and tries to keep their relationships healthy. Fear is present here too – fear of losing their job and their car or house, fear of losing their spouse or fear of estrangement from their kids. And that fear is hidden in striving for success or vacations to get away or sports to change the focus.

Helping each other in this scenario is different then than the ‘helping’ of poor people by rich people – where the rich hope the poor can someday live a ‘normal’ life like them. But that would only trade one set of fears for another.

The barrier of wealth actually isolates the rich more than one would think. Because the rich think they don’t need help, they are isolated from actually voicing the help they really want, deep down, if they stopped and though about it.

This is a similar dynamic that occurs when rich people in North America or Europe want to help poor people in Africa or Latin America. Again, what’s not needed is money.

What is needed?

Connecting to people who are different than us with an attitude of what can I learn. Self-awareness of the things that I need and a willingness to discover new needs as I get to know those who are different. A belief that I have something to offer to everyone, and that something isn’t money, and I’ll find out what that something is after I’ve listened first.

Maybe then we can help each other.

Friends can help. And you can dig deep into yourself and reserves of strength there.

But what if even those let you down?

When I doodled on this during a dark time (doodling helps me to get my thoughts and feelings out) at the very bottom, I found something to believe in.

After being unable to believe in myself or in my friends, I found:

1. I believe there is going to be a good ending when it’s all over
2. I believe I have a companion along the way
3. I believe I am loved

So that’s what’s at the bedrock – loved by God, the creator of the universe; his Spirit with me; and his good plan that will come about in the end.

Which is pretty close to the early Christian church’s mantra: Christ has died [out of love], Christ has risen [so his Spirit can be poured out], Christ will come again [good plan].

And then we might reminisce about how good it was – but that seems like only a shallow comfort. Grasping a shadow of what was.

I’ve found this to be true in friendships, in the church, and you can see it in history.

Maybe that’s because we’re supposed to develop and change. When we do, there are new experiences and new joys. New memories are made.

But we can’t hold on to those either. We have to keep living and writing the story. We can’t stay stationary. But moving means also that you lose some things along the way. Because times change and people change and places change.

I’m sad about the loss of the way things were – 3 years ago, or last year, or even a month ago. But I can’t stay here – I need to forge ahead with the new, with the changes.

The really sweet pieces are the ones you get to keep, the people that change too and continue with you along the way.

1. What is an intentional community? What’s the difference between ‘intentional community’, ecovillage, and cohousing or is there a difference at all?

I define an intentional community as a group of people deciding to live in close proximity to each other with a shared goal and purpose. Yes, different from eco village (unsure definition – something like living together to have less impact on the enviornment) or cohousing (living together in the same building with others). I think an intentional community could have some of the outcomes as a eco village or look similar to cohousing, but not necessarily and it can be much more broad and larger reaching.

2. Why live in one? Why do you?

I feel this is one way in our Western culture to live out my faith in a way that speaks to many of the idols of it. I also crave closer connections to people and the increased accountability it can bring.

3. Can you describe your community a bit please?

7 adults and 1 child, 4 households across three houses. Our main purpose is: “Know Christ, Show his Kingdom, Grow his disciples”. We’ve been around for 1 1/2 years, and are still figuring out how to do this. We have two computer programmers, a stay at home mom (trained as a nurse), an architect, a social housing worker, a learning coordinator, and an educator. We have morning prayer weekly on Wednesday and Friday night potlucks. We also have business meetings and make plans and dream together. We also just bump into each a lot since our houses are right next to each other.

4. What does ‘simple living’ me to you?

Not buying the latest things. Not buying things that won’t last. Asking honestly whether I need something before I buy it. Fixing things. Making my own food. Growing my own food. Not doing so many things that I’m too busy to make space for people when they drop in and visit.

5. What do you think about the current trendiness of ‘simple living’?

I think it’s always a good thing to think about how much stuff we have and to make use of more with less. I hope that people return to looking for quality products over quantity and enjoy the stuff they do have – and also enjoy the people and food and environment around them.

6. What does believing in Jesus and the intentional community have to do with one another?

I strongly believe in what Dietrich Bonhoffer says in “Live Together”: that if the community is not Christ’s it will fail. He calls us into community, he gives it life, he makes it possible to live and love and forgive and grow together. A community based on my goals or expectations will cause problems and it will break down. We constantly need to remind each other and ourselves this, and pray that it will be our reality.

7. What does that mean to you personally?

I need to remain in Christ first. That allows me to truly be with people in community. I need to check my motivations and my heart when I feel I have been hurt by others. I need his forgiveness and love first and foremost.

In Christian circles, we often call this brokenness. The world is broken, and each of us is broken. And when something is broken, it’s not working the way it should and cannot do well what it was intended to do. (There’s also an entire theology of how and why, but that’s not important here.)

Lately I’ve been recognizing my own brokenness. I live closely with 6 other adults (one my spouse) and it’s not as easy to hide motives or patterns which aren’t quite right.

I was overwhelmed by how broken my spouse and I both are – and how that affects our relationship. We end up working at cross purposes, even though we do love each other. And yet that brokenness also prevents us from putting our own wants aside and looking out for the other.

In this awareness of reality, I remembered my faith. This is exactly why Jesus came – because God’s love and forgiveness is the only thing bigger than this, and the only thing that can actually change me, re-new me, so that I’m fixed into how I’m supposed to be.

And that means that there is hope too, for the 7 of us (and children) to also be re-newed to love, forgive, look out for, and maybe to show others there is hope and another way.

He said that while transparency is a way to share and explain to others what you are doing and what you’re about (especially for a business), it doesn’t necessarily mean you let people know you. It can still be a front to hide behind.

Vulnerability, on the other hand, means that you open yourself up to another, showing them your ’soft’ parts that can be hurt, and where you are sensitive. It’s in this place where true connections with others, true knowing of each other, can happen. But it’s also the place where damage can be inflicted and we can harm others or be harmed.

He then noted that the key in this is submission. When we submit ourselves to others, and open ourselves up, we are making ourselves vulnerable so that we can deepen our relationships. My tendency is not towards submission. Yet as I live in community I want to be vulnerable and to have others be vulnerable with me. So I will need to practice more and more submission to those around me.