Jean Vanier, in Living Gently in a Violent World, writes of three activities vital to creating community:
Take stock of how much you do these three in your family, in your church community, and with your friends. Then find ways to increase that in the next six months and see whether you are living more gently.
While watching the Olympics (which was a community affair at the house of one member who graciously purchased extra sports channels, made available her wide screen TV, and supplied watchers with copious amounts of tea and other drinks – she’s the best!) and being inundated with high priced (and often effective) commercials, there was often much discussion.
One point came out that was very striking: advertisers want you to really believe that buying products that are discounted will save you money.
The reality: you save money when you do not buy something.
Let me say it again: when you choose not to buy something, that is when you save money.
So, when a commercial tells you differently, think about what it is really saying. If you were intending to buy a product already, and now it is on sale, then you might save money in that instance. But if it is something you were not considering before, then you are not saving money by buying it just because it is on sale.
A corollary: Special diet food. You don’t lose weight by eating food (even special low fat food). You lose weight by not eating food.
Let the myth busting commence!
Living in community isn’t a walk in the park. Whether you’ve been at it 2 years or 50 years, it is still critical to
Conflict will inevitably result if we fail to continue to work on these.
The alternative to doing this hard work is to pull back from relationships. I think that is what a lot of North American society has done. We live in our own houses, make our own decisions without consulting others, and can break off relationships when ever we want – divorce, friends, club membership, churches.
And yet, I hear that people wish they had more friends or that they were closer with the friends and acquaintances they do have.
We need to learn how to communicate through and in conflict, and to be able to talk about our expectations.
To do this, I think we need the values encouraged in the Bible:
The reward? Conflict won’t fester into feuds. Unconditional commitment means others will support me when life gets tough. Being known and accepted by others for who we are. Ability to work with others towards a better future.
I think that’s worth the hard work.
Western culture has an aura of optimism. And Western Christianity has it too. I struggle with this when things go wrong in life.
Well meaning people may say: “God’s in control. It’ll all work out.” or “Don’t worry, God will provide.”
Those promises are true, but the optimism of Western culture has imbued a meaning to them which may not be what was intended. Which therefore, when reality is found to work out differently, can lead to a real crisis of faith.
Christians have suffered starvation during famines in Africa. God did not provide food for them. Genocide in Kosovo meant that it didn’t all work out for many Christians there.
Why then do we in North America optimistically tell each other it’s going to be okay?
Many people are finding out it’s not okay and it may never be okay. So what might the promises truly mean? What is really solid at the centre?
Not having a good job or even any job, or enough food or a roof over our heads. Not having health and care when we are ill. Not having things get better instead of getting worse.
Maybe good happen to some, but that doesn’t mean they happen because God kept his promise specifically to them.
What we can count on: God’s love and that he will never abandon us. Evidences of beauty and life in even darkness and pain. His presence will give us strength. Everything will be made right, but only fully on the other side of eternity. God is still in control of the big picture.
Everything that we find good beyond these are truly blessings – to be cherished and enjoyed and celebrated. But let us be careful not to add to the promises of God more than what is really there.
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Am I way off? Speaking out of my own pain that which I know not? Help me to understand. Tell me your story.
We just made our commitments to living in the Kirkendall community for the next year. There’s something about taking a vow that is stirring.
Maybe it’s thrilling because it’s something outside of ourselves, something bigger than just me. Think about what it is like for a refugee who has fled horror to come to the safety of Canada, and is now making their citizenship vow. Or maybe it’s like a doctor, after so many years of schooling, to take the Hippocratic oath.
When we do this sincerely and commit ourselves to keeping that vow, even when our emotions make us reconsider, and we keep at it until all other avenues are explored, that is an amazing, wonderful thing!
At the beginning of the Christian story, God makes a promise, a vow, that he’ll fix things, even though it was us that started making the mess. In the end it cost him the death of his son. Jesus wanted there to be another way, a way out, but in the end he kept his end of the bargain.
I think the keeping of promises / vows / commitments are such opportunities for hope.
Can the rich and the poor really work together? Disparity in income and material worth creates such a large barrier.
Sanctuary is a church in downtown Toronto that believes that the rich and poor actually need each other.
The stereotypical ‘homeless’ person in North America has some sort of addiction – alcohol or drugs or maybe both. Often this is because of the pain they have experienced in their lives from which they are trying to hide. Perhaps abuse as a child or some other major trauma in their life.
The stereotypical ‘rich’ person in North America goes to work every day and tries to keep their relationships healthy. Fear is present here too – fear of losing their job and their car or house, fear of losing their spouse or fear of estrangement from their kids. And that fear is hidden in striving for success or vacations to get away or sports to change the focus.
Helping each other in this scenario is different then than the ‘helping’ of poor people by rich people – where the rich hope the poor can someday live a ‘normal’ life like them. But that would only trade one set of fears for another.
The barrier of wealth actually isolates the rich more than one would think. Because the rich think they don’t need help, they are isolated from actually voicing the help they really want, deep down, if they stopped and though about it.
This is a similar dynamic that occurs when rich people in North America or Europe want to help poor people in Africa or Latin America. Again, what’s not needed is money.
What is needed?
Connecting to people who are different than us with an attitude of what can I learn. Self-awareness of the things that I need and a willingness to discover new needs as I get to know those who are different. A belief that I have something to offer to everyone, and that something isn’t money, and I’ll find out what that something is after I’ve listened first.
Maybe then we can help each other.
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