Gender and Competition
I just finished reading a book called “Gender and Competition”, written by an Amercian female coach (Kathy DeBoer). So much of what she says in this book is very helpful for sport interactions, but also for workplace interactions. Much of it I had not heard or read before, yet many of her generalizations (which she acknowledges as such) ring true to my experience.
Her main point is that, men compete or perform to gain acceptance, while women need and work on acceptance before competing or performing. In our male dominated sports worlds and workplace hierarchies, we, including women, have a tendancy to think the male way is preferred. But it is just different, and each have their pros and cons. To motivate a group of men or women therefore will require different tactics, but both can be effective to produce results.
I found myself, as a tomboy who has played lots of sports with guys, never a real part of women’s teams. I think I know why now – I played on those teams the way a guy would: doing my best and pushing myself all the time, measuring myself against the other girls, and not spending much time developing relationships.
The problem with this is that not only did I not have many friends on the team, I probably wasn’t a real team player. For a women’s team to suceed, those relationship need to be built, and then together they will achieve much more than what their skills might allow.
What facinated me about this book was how this plays out in the workplace. Take these scenarios:
1. Male boss, 3 female assistants: Boss is in power, women talk together a lot, but get work done and help each other, male does not ask for help in leading
2. Female boss, 3 female assistants: Boss must become friends with assistants, and not wield power too strongly, must solicit input from them, work all as a team
3. Female boss, male assistants: Boss must give orders, but little direction, assistants will probably not offer input
There is much more in the book, and she provides lots of stories (for women to empathize with) and some advice (for men to take something away).
For more information about her book, please visit the author’s web site: http://www.kathydeboer.com/